AFTER A TOP DESTROY DEPRESSION BOOK.
Another on trauma and recovery through…
A FATHERLESS ORPHAN’S APPROACH TO TRAUMA
Amazing revelations showing you are not an orphan inside, but much comfort can come….
I have thought the aid of a highly elite psychotherapist and a Doctor of Social Work with a theological training. I did this for years. They were both excellent. And I did years of couple’s therapy. Useful but I do not feel it reached the depth needed. Specifically, trauma in both of us was outside the awareness of everyone. This is not criticism, but the awareness in this past year that trauma from 5-13 years old has
So deeply inside, I was missing it. But it was there.
I could give examples of savage repeated routine attacks outside my home from age 5-13 but that might retraumatize you and the book would be shelved. But let me say it took me until a late age to start discussing these with my wife, then sister, and five deeply treasured friends. I have helped many traumatized people for decades. But it does matter. I was not right.
But let me share a terse subtle example that is tolerable.
Fight, Flight and Freeze
I had a very rare type of patient who did a phone session, and then she and her spouse came from many states away. In five minutes, the topics moved from medical topics to a firm demand for high dose oxycodone and Adderall. I use both at times but not on demand in a reckless manner. They baited me with illnesses I publish on, and arrived wanting me to simply supply blindly two medications one step below heroin and crack cocaine.
I thought it was a joke initially. No joke. And they got louder and louder in their request. Finally, I said I regret I could not work with them, and finally asked them to leave the office. 5x. And I got louder and louder. Too loud. Why? Why yell that loud? The guy was shorter than me and was no Bruce Lee. I was in no bodily threat. But my reaction was excessively threatened. They violated my boundaries and that triggered 100% child violation. And I was that loud—to stop being beaten by older larger youth.
Of course I had no clue this was going on. And my last yells scared Kim, my kind genius research partner, and unsettled the office next door, who called the police! I thought my reaction was a 35 but it was a high 100. So, the tripping by a boundary violation triggered threat from distant decades and I FOUGHT. Of course, this makes you look unhinged and crazy.
As I walked past Kim the escape, FLIGHT, I could not speak. I was in FREEZE. Perhaps this is one reason I never told my parents what was going on during years of experiencing larger child violence. I think I told Kim a word or two as I was eccentrically just leaving brinkly. I never do this inhibited speech. And I have no recall of what I said. Why? My brain was dissociated and not working.
In Flight and Freeze you may lose much or all memory. Others may see you do this and ask you about it, and some may seem untrue.
After I left my office, I drove quickly away, when I was not in any real threat, Kim said the police were escorting them out or be arrested for trespassing. Kim asked what happened, and I still could not fully reply.
“They just wanted Opioids. Not doing it. They would not get out.”
That is a partial Freeze Flight reply. I am not a man of a few stiff words. This sounds like me after being hit by a boulder in the head.
Why point here?
I think many of us have had experiences in which stress or trauma was vastly greater than our support, comfort or safety. It may add up or be single events that feel like tidal waves blowing away your beach chairs. You may become the home parent years. Or be beaten severely for a trivial action. One is years and the other is a super overwhelming act. Both can cause this trauma.
Before we address this, I want to ask a very shocking and uncomfortable question. Look at these trauma lists and think of YOUL. But, if possible, eventually ask if any apply to your gather. If possible. There is no need to force yourself.
A Simple Trauma Measure Tool
Adverse Childhood Experience Questionnaire (ACES)
for Adults California Surgeon General’s Clinical Advisory Committee
Our relationships and experiences—even those in childhood—can affect our health and well-being. Difficult childhood experiences are very common.
Please tell us whether you have had any of the experiences listed below, as they may be affecting your health today or may affect your health in the future. This information will help you and your provider better understand how to work together to support your health and well-being.
Instructions:
Below is a list of 10 categories of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). From the list below, please place a checkmark next to each ACE category that you experienced prior to your 18th birthday. Then please add up the number of categories of ACEs you experienced and put the total number at the bottom.
- Did you feel that you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, or had no one to protect or take care of you?
- Did you lose a parent through divorce, abandonment, death, or other reason?
- Did you live with anyone who was depressed, mentally ill, or attempted suicide?
- Did you live with anyone who had a problem with drinking or using drugs, including prescription drugs?
- Did your parents or adults in your home ever hit, punch, beat, or threaten to harm each other?
- Did you live with anyone who went to jail or prison?
- Did a parent or adult in your home ever swear at you, insult you, or put you down?
- Did a parent or adult in your home ever hit, beat, kick, or physically hurt you in any way?
- Did you feel that no one in your family loved you or thought you were special?
- Did you experience unwanted sexual contact (such as fondling or oral/anal/vaginal intercourse/penetration)?
Elizabeth Stanley, PhD added suggestions:
11. Adoption
12 Severe loss of family income
13. Suicide close to your life
Your ACE score is the total number of checked responses
Do you believe that these experiences have affected your health?
*Not Much
*Some
*A Lot
Experiences in childhood are just one part of a person’s life story. There are many ways to heal throughout one’s life.
“TRAUMA” IS AN OVERWHELING EVENT OR EVENS THE IS VASTLY OVER YOUR CAPACITIES.
IT CAN CREATE BRAIN CHANGES THAT CAN BE HEALED MANY WAYS THAT ARE NEVER CLIQUES
Abandonment of a child, = world unsafe, unsafe, untrust, isolate, people are a through. Figure out things alone as a child.
Eat, diapers, clothing. bed—children have s dad is reactive, mom is reactive to day.
Therpy—holy Cow—that was really a bad thing that happened. Would Jesus and top justice leaders think is was good?? This is not whining or being self-centered. It is liking in the kingdom af reality
Source: https://www.acesaware.org
Treatment
Talk with others
Write down
Therapist-report. Trust them? Attentive. Session test. Word of mouth might be of use. You should never force connection. Insurance—limits frequency
WHEN TRAUMA HAPPENNED WERE YOU CARED FOR AND NURTURED?
CREATIVE BOX NO BORING CORNERS
Were you unable to discuss it?
Frozen.
Ashamed you did wrong or a loser?
Was it outside busy parents or grandparent awareness?
Did you have the words?
Anyone see? Do anything to protect you?
SAFE, CALM ABD AT REST
FIGHT OR FLIGHY
FREEZE burned out, depressed, exhausted., hopeless
M jopelrdd.
Deacon/Clergy
Crying is release of negative trauma
Not merely bouncing in your mind
Groups
Family
Friends
5x Meds of Dutch.
Last resort psychedelics used with professionals-our depression book and Paul Conto. On Huberman. Essentials: Therapy, Treating Trauma & Other Life Challenges
NMDR-flood so no fear of facing trauma. Conti, ibid.